Greatest Ever My Ass

Dear New England Fans,

First of all, I’d like to thank you for all of your support that you showed to my butt buddies and I throughout the 07-08 NFL season. Many of you didn’t know there was an NFL team located in New England until this year and even more of you have only been fans since we cheated our way to our first Super Bowl victory in 2001. It takes a lot of dedication to be a fan of a team that runs up the score on other teams, but you guys stuck with us and made it happen.
Now I know a lot of you are disappointed that we couldn’t finish this season with a Lombardi Trophy, you aren’t the only ones. Ever since the loss in Super Bowl XLII we’ve been bombarded by questions and honestly I can only answer a few of them. 19-0? Nope, we got it taken to us. Best team ever? Not evening the discussion. Dynasty? On hold. Best quarterback/head coach tandem ever? Not with a loss in a Super Bowl on the resume. Biggest disappointment in NFL history? You bet, ya. How does it feel? Worse than the head of the moron who tattooed his head to look like my helmet.
I think the thing that hurts the most is that we got exposed. How so you ask? Well we ran around all year preaching how humble we were. How much of a class act we were. How we were playing the game the only way we knew how and what some perceived as cockiness was clearly just confidence you need to succeed in this game at a high level. Well, so much for that. We went out before the Super Bowl and trademarked 19-0. We had a smug grin on our faces all year that got slapped off. And did you notice how visibly rattled I was when it was apparent that things weren’t going our way, almost as if the true little bitch in me was coming out, yeah that’s because it was. The Giants showed the few people we had still tricked into believing that we were humble that we were nothing, but smug ass little bitches who thought we were untouchable.
Let me make one thing clear. The Giants deserve all the credit in the world. They came in with the confidence, they put in the time, and most importantly they believed that they could win this game and that’s just what they did. But that was our Super Bowl and I want it back! I mean, a pretty boy with the perfect ass chin like me just doesn’t lose Super Bowls and this just isn’t fair.
I guess that about covers everything, but I just want to say one last thing. Some of you may believe that Coach Belichick left the field early and that he was being unprofessional and a sore loser. Well, how would you feel if your career was being questioned because you taped a Super Bowl walkthrough and got found out. If you knew your legacy was going to be questioned and this Super Bowl loss would not only magnify that, but showed that you really weren’t humble, wouldn’t you be a little upset. That’s my boo and I won’t let anyone speak badly of him, so lay off the guy.
Anyway, I’m off to go get plastic surgery to correct the massive bone structure damage that my face suffered after Eli slapped me with his dick during the game. See you next year.

Homo Erotically Yours,

Tom Brady