Adventures in Late Night Television

Friday night. Approx. 1 am. I'm in my apartment getting ready for a little R&R so I check out what is on television. Much to my delight, Comedy Central has Katt Williams Live (from Cincinnati) on "secret stash." If you haven't seen this, I highly recommend it, especially if you know anything about Cincinnati. For a preview click here and here and here (Sorry about the jackass who bootlegged it laughing). To make up for it.

However, the enjoyable comedy central programming is not the reason I am sharing- rather the commercials during it. Of course, as expected, the breaks were filled with the usual Joe Francis-with-sloppy-18-year-old-getting-naked-and-falling-over-DVD for $9.95. (Side Note: If you beat to that, there is something certifiably wrong with you.) I was not in the least bit shocked however. Nor was I surprised to see good ol' Ron Jeremy helping men...ummm....rise to the occasion..with Extenze. I did enjoy the new Real Sex-esque street interview with REAL Extenze users.

That was not all. Ladies listen up...Trojan, the makers of your favorite rubber, are introducing the latest innovation in your pleasure...the finger vibrator. Yes that's right...on the subway to work and need a quick pick-me-up? No problem. In the cab from the bar? You bet! Get off anywhere, anytime now! Thank God...we needed this.

I thought I had seen it all. Nope. Do you remember that singing fucking bass toy that people had? If not, here you go. Well, check this shit out. It was at this moment, that I hit rock fucking bottom. I was seriously wondering what the fuck this said about us as a society. And yes, this is why the terrorists hate our asses. And I really cannot blame them.

So I started to wonder. If you dropped a foreigner off on the American couch late at night (with some Taco Bell maybe) and this shit was the first shit they saw, what the fuck would they think about Americans? What would this shit say about our lifestyle? Would these commercials personify you (excluding the young ladies in GGW video)?

And yes, I know it's on late (which is apparently when the underbelly of society watches television in this country) but that's only because this shit cannot be shown during the day. If it could, I know we'd see a lot more Hawaiian shirt rocking Ron Jeremy.

Thinking deeper, who does watch this shit on television. Hmm, probably someone with nothing to do on a Friday. Someone who can't drink because that's really all there is to fucking do then. Hmm...I know, America's mutherfuckin' youth. Yes. I wonder if there is a direct relationship to the bullshit they watch on TV to them being so fucking stupid. Of course there is!

Another side note: Who the fuck is out there putting this crazy shit on youtube. Anyway, back to your regularly scheduled rant.

Let's see...this week saw Jamie Lynn Spears 17 year old trailer park ass give birth to a child with a Mississippi pipe-layer, Hi-OOOOOOOO. News flash, not the world's first pregnant teen. We also recently have little ho-ish celebrity fifteen year old's taking nude magazine pics and changing her legal fucking name to Hanna Montana- are you fucking kidding? Counterpoint, these are not aberrations, your child will be this fucking dumb too!

And don't fucking get me started on MTV, TMZ, BET, YOUTUBE and all that other bullshit. It's all out there-making us fucking dumb and dumber while we soak it all in.

Seriously, I know I'm sounding like my parents from back in the day, but like Katt William's, I too have become allergic to dumb shit. Maybe I'm just old school, but this shit is why American culture has become so fucked up.

Fuuuuuuuuuuck, where's the Tylenol?. I'm done now. God bless.

Just a Thought (or two)

First of all I want to congratulate the Pied Piper of R&B on being acquited on all charges of child fucking. Make sure to watch the clip of the week...I'm sure that's exactly how it played out in court.

Also I want to throw up Lloyd and Lil' Wayne's new video- Girls All Around the World. The song is hot, and the Hype Williams video fits perfectly. Also, in it, Lloyd not only sounds like a female (a beefer Alicia Keys maybe) but looks like one with his hair (no hate tho...I'm def no longer a closet Lloyd fan)

This Deserves Its Own Post

Life after college summed up in one amazing rant....big daddy drew take it away.

Gentlemen, introducing the man who wrote this.

Cocaine and Big Hair vs. Whole Foods and Blogs

I must say that the coverage of this NBA Finals, which kicked off last night, has been very copious-for obvious reasons such the greatness of the 80s, which is now a retro matchup. You think in 20 years we will get excited about a retro Memphis Grizzles vs. Toronto Raptors final. Time will tell, but this finals is so hyped not because of who the teams are, but because who they were over 20 years ago.

Well, ESPN.com Page 2 has a very interesting "debate" about what is better-the 80s or the present- for all things the world of sports. It's definintely a must read for some aka, those that were alive in the 80s.

For all that we make about sports fans acting like jackasses, I think it's important to remember that this is nothing new. Today, Detroit Basssketball fans take the cake, becoming notorious for beer throwing and their willingness to fight the players. However, I stumbled accross this Page 2 article about the great city of Cleveland. Well, back in the day, they were hosts and active participants in the most choatic, crazy sporting event to ever take place. It's great- really (may start out slow for some, but hang in there past the background). You won't be dissappointed and I garantee that you won't look at the Detroit brawl the same way ever again.

Finally, I conclude with ANOTHER ESPN Page 2 special. This one talks about the American sports media shapes the tastes of American sports fans (or tries to). The only thing I hated about this was this complete acceptance of being ignorant to other sports from accross the globe. And for good measure, this pretty much sums up how I feel about Tiger Woods.

Obama takes Democrat Primary

If you haven't heard by now, Barack Obama won the 2008 Democratic Presidential ticket. Not too much left to say after such a historic battle with Hill Clint but, no secrets who this website is voting for.

Quickly, Quickly

I'm just posting because I wanted to say hi. I found this funny blog post that compares the Super Bowl to Sex and the City movie and wanted to post it before I completely forget that I read it.

I was also planning on putting up that new Lil' Wayne/Jay-Z song, but that has been tearing up the internet so fast that I think everyone has heard it by now. You'll just have to stay tuned

Share and Tell

I just wanted to share some of the interesting things I've read on the web this week. I will probably make this a weekly (yea, right...) little feature and keep it separate from the music and the video. Who really knows though...i may fucking combine them.

If you don't already know (you should be proud of this) that the big ESPN spelling bee is today. I think this is the most fucking ridiculous event on television. I cannot think of anything stupider (is that a word?) freak children with peach fuzz stashes memorizing words that will never make it out of the dictionary other than today. Anyway, this piece about the sideline reporting goddess Erin Andrews and the spelling bee is must read.

This article does a great job going in-depth into the world of sports journalists, documenting a young college journalists first time covering the Philly Phillies.

This article pulled from cnn.com explains some differences between men and women (other than their genitalia) and why they drive each other crazy as catshit.

This one explains to me why I suck at life and I am not getting a job, other than my own lack of desire.

The future of hip hop? God I hope not.

The ballpark food taste so good. Maybe that rat shit gives your brat that extra seasoning it needs.

Getting paid for doing nothing...where do I sign up? Actually, I'm at work now so technically I am but this would be wayyy better

Finally, I want to put everyone on notice that TN dropped another new show about today about black females and their lethal nature but I haven't check that out yet.

and when I leave...come together like butt cheeks